Judgement

This isn't meant to be a blog about faith. I suppose that because my faith is a part of who I am however, it is only natural to come up in my posts.

We are on our way home from a week with one side of my in-laws. My father-in-law is a man I have not spent much time with, although I know he is a highly religious man and quite evangelistic. While I consider myself a Christ follower, I would not put myself in the category of an evangelist. I am not eloquent with words and it is more of my belief that our actions speak louder than words.

The other morning, we were having a conversation in the kitchen when he suddenly steered the conversation over to the topic of salvation and more specifically the topic of my salvation. He was telling a story about his Grandfather when he asked me the question, "if someone asked you the question of why you should be let into heaven, what would you say?" I was not expecting to be put on the spot and stumbled over my words with the Sunday school answer I knew he was looking for, but questions like that bother me and quite honestly, they always have. I don't know if it's the feeling that I'm being judged by another human being or if I feel that my performance is what they'll be rating me on.

As we are driving across the very enormous state of Texas towards our home, my mind drifted back to that conversation in the kitchen. I think my father-in-law was satisfied with my answer, but I wasn't. It didn't feel like my words even though they came from my mouth.

As I was watching the brown, grassy landscape whiz by and the sun set behind those western Texas mountains, I began to contemplate and feel gratitude that in the end, I will not be judged by another human being. My score will not be given based on the number of Bible verses I can correctly quote and my place in heaven will not be determined by the eloquence of my words, because The Lord knows I am not an eloquent speaker! I am thankful that the One who judges me, knows my heart. He knows my thoughts.  My doubts and fears are not hidden from him. He knows my story and he knows my ways better than I do. Thankfully, He will judge me without my spoken words because He knows what I would say anyway.

I should have been prepared, because I think my father-in-law has told me that story before, and now that I think of it, I think he's asked me that question each time we've spent time together. I hope the next time he does I can remember to respond with an answer more along the lines of "Thankfully my judgement is in the hands of God."